I might be guilty for some of these traits, being half Malay, but I ain’t no elitist like those sombong folks who refuse to have anything to do with being Malay, especially when they marry a non-Malay or study abroad or just have this mindset that they belong elsewhere other than in a Malay community. Here’s quite the opposite; a reality check for our society, and some pointers to avoid. In random order.

1) Amanah Kad Jemputan: If a family member is getting married, never allow the parents (or you, yourself) to give a bunch of invitation cards to 1 person and expect them to pass it onto your other invitees just because they are family. It probably won’t reach the other party, and you only have yourself to blame. Call all invitees to get their addresses, and send it all out as franked mail (no stamps needed). Enquire at SingPost and jangan harapkan makcik kau. Invitations should come from you!

2) Signing As Guarantors: Each and everyone of us must know at least 1 person pernah kena kencing pasal contracts or bonds, and the guarantors have to pay the price later. It should be haram to sign as guarantors if you’re not a spouse or siblings. At least the guilt factor is a bit higher if you cheat your direct family members. Cousins don’t count. Don’t ask random people (bestfriends, cousins included) to sign as guarantors for your jobs, bank loans or new Starhub business plans, and never sign for anybody as guarantors unless you are physically attached to that person ie Siamese twin. You cannot trust anybody at all, so don’t give society the benefit of a doubt.

3) Not Turning Up For An Appointment then Turning Off Your Handphone: it says it all. Ni very Melayu actually. For heaven’s sake, what’s wrong with just calling to call it off?

4) Taking Credit For Something Irrelevant To You: “Aku yang kasi dia benda tu” “Dulu aku yang tolong dia” “Alah, bila dia susah siapa jugak dia call”. Enough is enough already.

5) When You’re Not Invited to A Function of Somebody You Know, Jangan Merajuk, Bodoh!: So what? They probably don’t want you around. Why nak amik hati and waste your adrenaline? Don’t make a big fuss that you’re not part of it and move on with your life instead of moping around and whining to your friends and family about not receiving news about the wedding and then doing a No.4 (refer to No.4). Sudah lah. Kau siapa nak mengharap ni semua? This is what you do: Send gifts or money via somebody else and leave your name and contact details there for future use. Who knows they might have just forgotten about you? You could have made the same mistake too.

6) Going Online Only To Use MSN and Friendster: If I had a dollar for everytime somebody says “Aku tak tau macam mana nak pergi sana” or “Aku tak beli papers so aku tak tau wayang tu pukul berapa” and this is said in an MSN conversation. Hello? You’re online! Google it! If you know how to find pirated MP3s and Youtube, you must learn how to use the street directory and Yahoo movies already. Idiots!! Lyrics and guitar chords also available.

7) Waiting On Others: this is the most popular of it all. “Kalau dia pergi, aku pergi” or “Tunggu dia dulu“. Most of us in big groups can’t function when the self-proclaimed leader has not decided for us. I don’t know why we do that. Don’t wait on others to make decisions. And if you’re going to be late, ask them to go on without you, and not wait for you.

8) Fighting In Public: to the young couple at Tampines Mall yesterday shouting at the top of their lungs and the girl crying for attention, you’ve officially joined our society as a member who loves public display of anger and frustration!! IS FIGHTING IN PRIVATE LESS THRILLING?? Remember the Youtube video; minah shouting and crying on the phone in the MRT?

This post was inspired by a site called Stuff White People Like ; maybe we should do one for Malays and I could chronicle the endless chalets, naik lorry jalan raya, gold, soccer and fish&chips equals to Western food. I love being Malay and making these observations.